真正破坏一个家庭的，不是外遇，不是贫穷，而是……
发布时间：2020-11-03 20:22:55来源：树儿微刊
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观自在菩萨，行深般若波罗蜜多时，照见五蕴皆空，度一切苦厄。舍利子，色不异空，空不异色，色即是空，空即是色，受想行识，亦复如是。舍利子，是诸法空相，不生不灭，不垢不净，不增不减。是故空中无色，无受想行识，无眼耳鼻舌身意，无色声香味触法，无眼界，乃至无意识界，无无明，亦无无明尽，乃至无老死，亦无老死尽。无苦集灭道，无智亦无得。以无所得故。菩提萨埵，依般若波罗蜜多故，心无挂碍。无挂碍故，无有恐怖，远离颠倒梦想，究竟涅盘。三世诸佛，依般若波罗蜜多故，得阿耨多罗三藐三菩提。故知般若波罗蜜多，是大神咒，是大明咒，是无上咒，是无等等咒，能除一切苦，真实不虚。故说般若波罗蜜多咒，即说咒曰：揭谛揭谛，波罗揭谛，波罗僧揭谛，菩提萨婆诃。观自在菩萨，行深般若波罗蜜多时，照见五蕴皆空，度一切苦厄。舍利子，色不异空，空不异色，色即是空，空即是色，受想行识，亦复如是。舍利子，是诸法空相，不生不灭，不垢不净，不增不减。
WhenPaulJobswasmusteredoutoftheCoastGuardafterWorldWarII,hemadeawagerwithhiscrewmates.TheyhadarrivedinSanFrancisco,wheretheirshipwasdecommissioned,andPaulbetthathewouldfindhimselfawifewithintwoweeks.Hewasataut,tattooedenginemechanic,sixfeettall,withapassingresemblancetoJamesDean.Butitwasn’thislooksthatgothimadatewithClaraHagopian,asweet-humoreddaughterofArmenianimmigrants.Itwasthefactthatheandhisfriendshadacar,unlikethegroupshehadoriginallyplannedtogooutwiththatevening.Tendayslater,inMarch1946,PaulgotengagedtoClaraandwonhiswager.Itwouldturnouttobeahappymarriage,onethatlasteduntildeathpartedthemmorethanfortyyearslater.PaulReinholdJobshadbeenraisedonadairyfarminGermantown,Wisconsin.Eventhoughhisfatherwasanalcoholicandsometimesabusive,Paulendedupwithagentleandcalmdispositionunderhisleatheryexterior.Afterdroppingoutofhighschool,hewanderedthroughtheMidwestpickingupworkasamechanicuntil,atagenineteen,hejoinedtheCoastGuard,eventhoughhedidn’tknowhowtoswim.HewasdeployedontheUSSGeneralM.C.MeigsandspentmuchofthewarferryingtroopstoItalyforGeneralPatton.Histalentasamachinistandfiremanearnedhimcommendations,butheoccasionallyfoundhimselfinminortroubleandneverroseabovetherankofseaman.ClarawasborninNewJersey,whereherparentshadlandedafterfleeingtheTurksinArmenia,andtheymovedtotheMissionDistrictofSanFranciscowhenshewasachild.Shehadasecretthatsherarelymentionedtoanyone:Shehadbeenmarriedbefore,butherhusbandhadbeenkilledinthewar.SowhenshemetPaulJobsonthatfirstdate,shewasprimedtostartanewlife.Likemanywholivedthroughthewar,theyhadexperiencedenoughexcitementthat,whenitwasover,theydesiredsimplytosettledown,raiseafamily,andleadalesseventfullife.Theyhadlittlemoney,sotheymovedtoWisconsinandlivedwithPaul’sparentsforafewyears,thenheadedforIndiana,wherehegotajobasamachinistforInternationalHarvester.Hispassionwastinkeringwitholdcars,andhemademoneyinhissparetimebuying,restoring,andsellingthem.Eventuallyhequithisdayjobtobecomeafull-timeusedcarsalesman.Clara,however,lovedSanFrancisco,andin1952sheconvincedherhusbandtomovebackthere.TheygotanapartmentintheSunsetDistrictfacingthePacific,justsouthofGoldenGatePark,andhetookajobworkingforafinancecompanyasa“repoman,”pickingthelocksofcarswhoseownershadn’tpaidtheirloansandrepossessingthem.Healsobought,repaired,andsoldsomeofthecars,makingadecentenoughlivingintheprocess.Therewas,however,somethingmissingintheirlives.Theywantedchildren,butClarahadsufferedanectopicpregnancy,inwhichthefertilizedeggwasimplantedinafallopiantuberatherthantheuterus,andshehadbeenunabletohaveany.Soby1955,afternineyearsofmarriage,theywerelookingtoadoptachild.LikePaulJobs,JoanneSchieblewasfromaruralWisconsinfamilyofGermanheritage.Herfather,ArthurSchieble,hadimmigratedtotheoutskirtsofGreenBay,whereheandhiswifeownedaminkfarmanddabbledsuccessfullyinvariousotherbusinesses,includingrealestateandphotoengraving.Hewasverystrict,especiallyregardinghisdaughter’srelationships,andhehadstronglydisapprovedofherfirstlove,anartistwhowasnotaCatholic.ThusitwasnosurprisethathethreatenedtocutJoanneoffcompletelywhen,asagraduatestudentattheUniversityofWisconsin,shefellinlovewithAbdulfattah“John”Jandali,aMuslimteachingassistantfromSyria.JandaliwastheyoungestofninechildreninaprominentSyrianfamily.Hisfatherownedoilrefineriesandmultipleotherbusinesses,withlargeholdingsinDamascusandHoms,andatonepointprettymuchcontrolledthepriceofwheatintheregion.Hismother,helatersaid,wasa“traditionalMuslimwoman”whowasa“conservative,obedienthousewife.”LiketheSchieblefamily,theJandalisputapremiumoneducation.AbdulfattahwassenttoaJesuitboardingschool,eventhoughhewasMuslim,andhegotanundergraduatedegreeattheAmericanUniversityinBeirutbeforeenteringtheUniversityofWisconsintopursueadoctoraldegreeinpoliticalscience.Inthesummerof1954,JoannewentwithAbdulfattahtoSyria.TheyspenttwomonthsinHoms,whereshelearnedfromhisfamilytocookSyriandishes.WhentheyreturnedtoWisconsinshediscoveredthatshewaspregnant.Theywerebothtwenty-three,buttheydecidednottogetmarried.Herfatherwasdyingatthetime,andhehadthreatenedtodisownherifshewedAbdulfattah.NorwasabortionaneasyoptioninasmallCatholiccommunity.Soinearly1955,JoannetraveledtoSanFrancisco,whereshewastakenintothecareofakindlydoctorwhoshelteredunwedmothers,deliveredtheirbabies,andquietlyarrangedclosedadoptions.Joannehadonerequirement:Herchildmustbeadoptedbycollegegraduates.Sothedoctorarrangedforthebabytobeplacedwithalawyerandhiswife.Butwhenaboywasborn—onFebruary24,1955—thedesignatedcoupledecidedthattheywantedagirlandbackedout.Thusitwasthattheboybecamethesonnotofalawyerbutofahighschooldropoutwithapassionformechanicsandhissalt-of-the-earthwifewhowasworkingasabookkeeper.PaulandClaranamedtheirnewbabyStevenPaulJobs.WhenJoannefoundoutthatherbabyhadbeenplacedwithacouplewhohadnotevengraduatedfromhighschool,sherefusedtosigntheadoptionpapers.Thestandofflastedweeks,evenafterthebabyhadsettledintotheJobshousehold.EventuallyJoannerelented,withthestipulationthatthecouplepromise—indeedsignapledge—tofundasavingsaccounttopayfortheboy’scollegeeducation.TherewasanotherreasonthatJoannewasbalkyaboutsigningtheadoptionpapers.Herfatherwasabouttodie,andsheplannedtomarryJandalisoonafter.Sheheldouthope,shewouldlatertellfamilymembers,sometimestearingupatthememory,thatoncetheyweremarried,shecouldgettheirbabyboyback.ArthurSchieblediedinAugust1955,aftertheadoptionwasfinalized.JustafterChristmasthatyear,JoanneandAbdulfattahweremarriedinSt.PhiliptheApostleCatholicChurchinGreenBay.HegothisPhDininternationalpoliticsthenextyear,andthentheyhadanotherchild,agirlnamedMona.AftersheandJandalidivorcedin1962,Joanneembarkedonadreamyandperipateticlifethatherdaughter,whogrewuptobecometheacclaimednovelistMonaSimpson,wouldcaptureinherbookAnywherebutHere.BecauseSteve’sadoptionhadbeenclosed,itwouldbetwentyyearsbeforetheywouldallfindeachother.SteveJobsknewfromanearlyagethathewasadopted.“Myparentswereveryopenwithmeaboutthat,”herecalled.Hehadavividmemoryofsittingonthelawnofhishouse,whenhewassixorsevenyearsold,tellingthegirlwholivedacrossthestreet.“Sodoesthatmeanyourrealparentsdidn’twantyou?”thegirlasked.“Lightningboltswentoffinmyhead,”accordingtoJobs.“Irememberrunningintothehouse,crying.Andmyparentssaid,‘No,youhavetounderstand.’Theywereveryseriousandlookedmestraightintheeye.Theysaid,‘Wespecificallypickedyouout.’Bothofmyparentssaidthatandrepeateditslowlyforme.Andtheyputanemphasisoneverywordinthatsentence.”Abandoned.Chosen.Special.ThoseconceptsbecamepartofwhoJobswasandhowheregardedhimself.Hisclosestfriendsthinkthattheknowledgethathewasgivenupatbirthleftsomescars.“Ithinkhisdesireforcompletecontrolofwhateverhemakesderivesdirectlyfromhispersonalityandthefactthathewasabandonedatbirth,”saidonelongtimecolleague,DelYocam.“Hewantstocontrolhisenvironment,andheseestheproductasanextensionofhimself.”GregCalhoun,whobecameclosetoJobsrightaftercollege,sawanothereffect.“Stevetalkedtomealotaboutbeingabandonedandthepainthatcaused,”hesaid.“Itmadehimindependent.Hefollowedthebeatofadifferentdrummer,andthatcamefrombeinginadifferentworldthanhewasborninto.”Laterinlife,whenhewasthesameagehisbiologicalfatherhadbeenwhenheabandonedhim,Jobswouldfatherandabandonachildofhisown.(Heeventuallytookresponsibilityforher.)ChrisannBrennan,themotherofthatchild,saidthatbeingputupforadoptionleftJobs“fullofbrokenglass,”andithelpstoexplainsomeofhisbehavior.“Hewhoisabandonedisanabandoner,”shesaid.AndyHertzfeld,whoworkedwithJobsatAppleintheearly1980s,isamongthefewwhoremainedclosetobothBrennanandJobs.“ThekeyquestionaboutSteveiswhyhecan’tcontrolhimselfattimesfrombeingsoreflexivelycruelandharmfultosomepeople,”hesaid.“Thatgoesbacktobeingabandonedatbirth.TherealunderlyingproblemwasthethemeofabandonmentinSteve’slife.”Jobsdismissedthis.“There’ssomenotionthatbecauseIwasabandoned,IworkedveryhardsoIcoulddowellandmakemyparentswishtheyhadmeback,orsomesuchnonsense,butthat’sridiculous,”heinsisted.“KnowingIwasadoptedmayhavemademefeelmoreindependent,butIhaveneverfeltabandoned.I’vealwaysfeltspecial.Myparentsmademefeelspecial.”HewouldlaterbristlewheneveranyonereferredtoPaulandClaraJobsashis“adoptive”parentsorimpliedthattheywerenothis“real”parents.“Theyweremyparents1,000%,”hesaid.Whenspeakingabouthisbiologicalparents,ontheotherhand,hewascurt:“Theyweremyspermandeggbank.That’snotharsh,it’sjustthewayitwas,aspermbankthing,nothingmore.”SiliconValleyThechildhoodthatPaulandClaraJobscreatedfortheirnewsonwas,inmanyways,astereotypeofthelate1950s.WhenStevewastwotheyadoptedagirltheynamedPatty,andthreeyearslatertheymovedtoatracthouseinthesuburbs.ThefinancecompanywherePaulworkedasarepoman,CIT,hadtransferredhimdowntoitsPaloAltooffice,buthecouldnotaffordtolivethere,sotheylandedinasubdivisioninMountainView,alessexpensivetownjusttothesouth.TherePaultriedtopassalonghisloveofmechanicsandcars.“Steve,thisisyourworkbenchnow,”hesaidashemarkedoffasectionofthetableintheirgarage.Jobsrememberedbeingimpressedbyhisfather’sfocusoncraftsmanship.“Ithoughtmydad’ssenseofdesignwasprettygood,”hesaid,“becauseheknewhowtobuildanything.Ifweneededacabinet,hewouldbuildit.Whenhebuiltourfence,hegavemeahammersoIcouldworkwithhim.”FiftyyearslaterthefencestillsurroundsthebackandsideyardsofthehouseinMountainView.AsJobsshoweditofftome,hecaressedthestockadepanelsandrecalledalessonthathisfatherimplanteddeeplyinhim.Itwasimportant,hisfathersaid,tocraftthebacksofcabinetsandfencesproperly,eventhoughtheywerehidden.“Heloveddoingthingsright.Heevencaredaboutthelookofthepartsyoucouldn’tsee.”Hisfathercontinuedtorefurbishandresellusedcars,andhefestoonedthegaragewithpicturesofhisfavorites.Hewouldpointoutthedetailingofthedesigntohisson:thelines,thevents,thechrome,thetrimoftheseats.Afterworkeachday,hewouldchangeintohisdungareesandretreattothegarage,oftenwithStevetaggingalong.“IfiguredIcouldgethimnaileddownwithalittlemechanicalability,buthereallywasn’tinterestedingettinghishandsdirty,”Paullaterrecalled.“Heneverreallycaredtoomuchaboutmechanicalthings.”“Iwasn’tthatintofixingcars,”Jobsadmitted.“ButIwaseagertohangoutwithmydad.”Evenashewasgrowingmoreawarethathehadbeenadopted,hewasbecomingmoreattachedtohisfather.Onedaywhenhewasabouteight,hediscoveredaphotographofhisfatherfromhistimeintheCoastGuard.“He’sintheengineroom,andhe’sgothisshirtoffandlookslikeJamesDean.ItwasoneofthoseOhwowmomentsforakid.Wow,oooh,myparentswereactuallyonceveryyoungandreallygood-looking.”Throughcars,hisfathergaveStevehisfirstexposuretoelectronics.“Mydaddidnothaveadeepunderstandingofelectronics,buthe’dencountereditalotinautomobilesandotherthingshewouldfix.Heshowedmetherudimentsofelectronics,andIgotveryinterestedinthat.”Evenmoreinterestingwerethetripstoscavengeforparts.“Everyweekend,there’dbeajunkyardtrip.We’dbelookingforagenerator,acarburetor,allsortsofcomponents.”Herememberedwatchinghisfathernegotiateatthecounter.“Hewasagoodbargainer,becauseheknewbetterthantheguysatthecounterwhatthepartsshouldcost.”Thishelpedfulfillthepledgehisparentsmadewhenhewasadopted.“Mycollegefundcamefrommydadpaying$50foraFordFalconorsomeotherbeat-upcarthatdidn’trun,workingonitforafewweeks,andsellingitfor$250—andnottellingtheIRS.”TheJobses’houseandtheothersintheirneighborhoodwerebuiltbytherealestatedeveloperJosephEichler,whosecompanyspawnedmorethaneleventhousandhomesinvariousCaliforniasubdivisionsbetween1950and1974.InspiredbyFrankLloydWright’svisionofsimplemodernhomesfortheAmerican“everyman,”Eichlerbuiltinexpensivehousesthatfeaturedfloor-to-ceilingglasswalls,openfloorplans,exposedpost-and-beamconstruction,concreteslabfloors,andlotsofslidingglassdoors.“Eichlerdidagreatthing,”Jobssaidononeofourwalksaroundtheneighborhood.“Hishousesweresmartandcheapandgood.Theybroughtcleandesignandsimpletastetolower-incomepeople.Theyhadawesomelittlefeatures,likeradiantheatinginthefloors.Youputcarpetonthem,andwehadnicetoastyfloorswhenwewerekids.”JobssaidthathisappreciationforEichlerhomesinstilledinhimapassionformakingnicelydesignedproductsforthemassmarket.“Iloveitwhenyoucanbringreallygreatdesignandsimplecapabilitytosomethingthatdoesn’tcostmuch,”hesaidashepointedoutthecleaneleganceofthehouses.“ItwastheoriginalvisionforApple.That’swhatwetriedtodowiththefirstMac.That’swhatwedidwiththeiPod.”AcrossthestreetfromtheJobsfamilylivedamanwhohadbecomesuccessfulasarealestateagent.“Hewasn’tthatbright,”Jobsrecalled,“butheseemedtobemakingafortune.Somydadthought,‘Icandothat.’Heworkedsohard,Iremember.Hetookthesenightclasses,passedthelicensetest,andgotintorealestate.Thenthebottomfelloutofthemarket.”Asaresult,thefamilyfounditselffinanciallystrappedforayearorsowhileStevewasinelementaryschool.HismothertookajobasabookkeeperforVarianAssociates,acompanythatmadescientificinstruments,andtheytookoutasecondmortgage.Onedayhisfourth-gradeteacheraskedhim,“Whatisityoudon’tunderstandabouttheuniverse?”Jobsreplied,“Idon’tunderstandwhyallofasuddenmydadissobroke.”Hewasproudthathisfatherneveradoptedaservileattitudeorslickstylethatmayhavemadehimabettersalesman.“Youhadtosuckuptopeopletosellrealestate,andhewasn’tgoodatthatanditwasn’tinhisnature.Iadmiredhimforthat.”PaulJobswentbacktobeingamechanic.Hisfatherwascalmandgentle,traitsthathissonlaterpraisedmorethanemulated.Hewasalsoresolute.Jobsdescribedoneexample:NearbywasanengineerwhowasworkingatWestinghouse.Hewasasingleguy,beatniktype.Hehadagirlfriend.Shewouldbabysitmesometimes.Bothmyparentsworked,soIwouldcomehererightafterschoolforacoupleofhours.Hewouldgetdrunkandhitheracoupleoftimes.Shecameoveronenight,scaredoutofherwits,andhecameoverdrunk,andmydadstoodhimdown—saying“She’shere,butyou’renotcomingin.”Hestoodrightthere.Weliketothinkeverythingwasidyllicinthe1950s,butthisguywasoneofthoseengineerswhohadmessed-uplives.Whatmadetheneighborhooddifferentfromthethousandsofotherspindly-treesubdivisionsacrossAmericawasthateventhene’er-do-wellstendedtobeengineers.“Whenwemovedhere,therewereapricotandplumorchardsonallofthesecorners,”Jobsrecalled.“Butitwasbeginningtoboombecauseofmilitaryinvestment.”Hesoakedupthehistoryofthevalleyanddevelopedayearningtoplayhisownrole.EdwinLandofPolaroidlatertoldhimaboutbeingaskedbyEisenhowertohelpbuildtheU-2spyplanecamerastoseehowrealtheSovietthreatwas.ThefilmwasdroppedincanistersandreturnedtotheNASAAmesResearchCenterinSunnyvale,notfarfromwhereJobslived.“ThefirstcomputerterminalIeversawwaswhenmydadbroughtmetotheAmesCenter,”hesaid.“Ifelltotallyinlovewithit.”Otherdefensecontractorssproutednearbyduringthe1950s.TheLockheedMissilesandSpaceDivision,whichbuiltsubmarine-launchedballisticmissiles,wasfoundedin1956nexttotheNASACenter;bythetimeJobsmovedtotheareafouryearslater,itemployedtwentythousandpeople.Afewhundredyardsaway,Westinghousebuiltfacilitiesthatproducedtubesandelectricaltransformersforthemissilesystems.“Youhadallthesemilitarycompaniesonthecuttingedge,”herecalled.“Itwasmysteriousandhigh-techandmadelivinghereveryexciting.”Inthewakeofthedefenseindustriestherearoseaboomingeconomybasedontechnology.Itsrootsstretchedbackto1938,whenDavidPackardandhisnewwifemovedintoahouseinPaloAltothathadashedwherehisfriendBillHewlettwassoonensconced.Thehousehadagarage—anappendagethatwouldprovebothusefulandiconicinthevalley—inwhichtheytinkeredarounduntiltheyhadtheirfirstproduct,anaudiooscillator.Bythe1950s,Hewlett-Packardwasafast-growingcompanymakingtechnicalinstruments.Fortunatelytherewasaplacenearbyforentrepreneurswhohadoutgrowntheirgarages.Inamovethatwouldhelptransformtheareaintothecradleofthetechrevolution,StanfordUniversity’sdeanofengineering,FrederickTerman,createdaseven-hundred-acreindustrialparkonuniversitylandforprivatecompaniesthatcouldcommercializetheideasofhisstudents.ItsfirsttenantwasVarianAssociates,whereClaraJobsworked.“Termancameupwiththisgreatideathatdidmorethananythingtocausethetechindustrytogrowuphere,”Jobssaid.BythetimeJobswasten,HPhadninethousandemployeesandwastheblue-chipcompanywhereeveryengineerseekingfinancialstabilitywantedtowork.Themostimportanttechnologyfortheregion’sgrowthwas,ofcourse,thesemiconductor.WilliamShockley,whohadbeenoneoftheinventorsofthetransistoratBellLabsinNewJersey,movedouttoMountainViewand,in1956,startedacompanytobuildtransistorsusingsiliconratherthanthemoreexpensivegermaniumthatwasthencommonlyused.ButShockleybecameincreasinglyerraticandabandonedhissilicontransistorproject,whichledeightofhisengineers—mostnotablyRobertNoyceandGordonMoore—tobreakawaytoformFairchildSemiconductor.Thatcompanygrewtotwelvethousandemployees,butitfragmentedin1968,whenNoycelostapowerstruggletobecomeCEO.HetookGordonMooreandfoundedacompanythattheycalledIntegratedElectronicsCorporation,whichtheysoonsmartlyabbreviatedtoIntel.TheirthirdemployeewasAndrewGrove,wholaterwouldgrowthecompanybyshiftingitsfocusfrommemorychipstomicroprocessors.Withinafewyearstherewouldbemorethanfiftycompaniesintheareamakingsemiconductors.TheexponentialgrowthofthisindustrywascorrelatedwiththephenomenonfamouslydiscoveredbyMoore,whoin1965drewagraphofthespeedofintegratedcircuits,basedonthenumberoftransistorsthatcouldbeplacedonachip,andshowedthatitdoubledabouteverytwoyears,atrajectorythatcouldbeexpectedtocontinue.Thiswasreaffirmedin1971,whenIntelwasabletoetchacompletecentralprocessingunitontoonechip,theIntel4004,whichwasdubbeda“microprocessor.”Moore’sLawhasheldgenerallytruetothisday,anditsreliableprojectionofperformancetopriceallowedtwogenerationsofyoungentrepreneurs,includingSteveJobsandBillGates,tocreatecostprojectionsfortheirforward-leaningproducts.ThechipindustrygavetheregionanewnamewhenDonHoefler,acolumnistfortheweeklytradepaperElectronicNews,beganaseriesinJanuary1971entitled“SiliconValleyUSA.”Theforty-mileSantaClaraValley,whichstretchesfromSouthSanFranciscothroughPaloAltotoSanJose,hasasitscommercialbackboneElCaminoReal,theroyalroadthatonceconnectedCalifornia’stwenty-onemissionchurchesandisnowabustlingavenuethatconnectscompaniesandstartupsaccountingforathirdoftheventurecapitalinvestmentintheUnitedStateseachyear.“Growingup,Igotinspiredbythehistoryoftheplace,”Jobssaid.“Thatmademewanttobeapartofit.”Likemostkids,hebecameinfusedwiththepassionsofthegrown-upsaroundhim.“Mostofthedadsintheneighborhooddidreallyneatstuff,likephotovoltaicsandbatteriesandradar,”Jobsrecalled.“Igrewupinaweofthatstuffandaskingpeopleaboutit.”Themostimportantoftheseneighbors,LarryLang,livedsevendoorsaway.“HewasmymodelofwhatanHPengineerwassupposedtobe:abighamradiooperator,hard-coreelectronicsguy,”Jobsrecalled.“Hewouldbringmestufftoplaywith.”AswewalkeduptoLang’soldhouse,Jobspointedtothedriveway.“Hetookacarbonmicrophoneandabatteryandaspeaker,andheputitonthisdriveway.Hehadmetalkintothecarbonmikeanditamplifiedoutofthespeaker.”Jobshadbeentaughtbyhisfatherthatmicrophonesalwaysrequiredanelectronicamplifier.“SoIracedhome,andItoldmydadthathewaswrong.”“No,itneedsanamplifier,”hisfatherassuredhim.WhenSteveprotestedotherwise,hisfathersaidhewascrazy.“Itcan’tworkwithoutanamplifier.There’ssometrick.”“Ikeptsayingnotomydad,tellinghimhehadtoseeit,andfinallyheactuallywalkeddownwithmeandsawit.Andhesaid,‘WellI’llbeabatoutofhell.’”Jobsrecalledtheincidentvividlybecauseitwashisfirstrealizationthathisfatherdidnotknoweverything.Thenamoredisconcertingdiscoverybegantodawnonhim:Hewassmarterthanhisparents.Hehadalwaysadmiredhisfather’scompetenceandsavvy.“Hewasnotaneducatedman,butIhadalwaysthoughthewasprettydamnsmart.Hedidn’treadmuch,buthecoulddoalot.Almosteverythingmechanical,hecouldfigureitout.”Yetthecarbonmicrophoneincident,Jobssaid,beganajarringprocessofrealizingthathewasinfactmorecleverandquickthanhisparents.“Itwasaverybigmomentthat’sburnedintomymind.WhenIrealizedthatIwassmarterthanmyparents,Ifelttremendousshameforhavingthoughtthat.Iwillneverforgetthatmoment.”Thisdiscovery,helatertoldfriends,alongwiththefactthathewasadopted,madehimfeelapart—detachedandseparate—frombothhisfamilyandtheworld.Anotherlayerofawarenessoccurredsoonafter.Notonlydidhediscoverthathewasbrighterthanhisparents,buthediscoveredthattheyknewthis.PaulandClaraJobswerelovingparents,andtheywerewillingtoadapttheirlivestosuitasonwhowasverysmart—andalsowillful.Theywouldgotogreatlengthstoaccommodatehim.AndsoonStevediscoveredthisfactaswell.“Bothmyparentsgotme.TheyfeltalotofresponsibilityoncetheysensedthatIwasspecial.Theyfoundwaystokeepfeedingmestuffandputtingmeinbetterschools.Theywerewillingtodefertomyneeds.”Sohegrewupnotonlywithasenseofhavingoncebeenabandoned,butalsowithasensethathewasspecial.Inhisownmind,thatwasmoreimportantintheformationofhispersonality.SchoolEvenbeforeJobsstartedelementaryschool,hismotherhadtaughthimhowtoread.This,however,ledtosomeproblemsoncehegottoschool.“Iwaskindofboredforthefirstfewyears
作者：国文
来源：国学生活（ID：gxsh789)
爱，就要说温暖的话。
♬点上方绿标可收听主播简宁朗读音频
真正破坏一个家庭的，不是外遇，不是贫穷，而是语言暴力！
语言暴力，是无形的家庭暴力。
语言暴力，仿若硫酸，腐蚀亲密情感；语言暴力，仿若刀子，刺杀爱你的人。
身体上的伤痕可随时间流逝逐渐淡化，而语言伤害却伴随一生。
语言暴力，到底有多可怕？
《荀子·荣辱》曾说：“与人善言,暖于布帛；伤人以言,深于矛戟。”
跟人说友善的话语，比布帛还要温暖；说尖酸刻薄的话，比矛戟还要伤人。
阿联酋宜家用一个神奇的实验，证明了语言的力量。
他们选择了两样相同的盆栽，一样的施肥，一样的接受阳光，唯一的差别是两者分别要接受不同的语言。
一个是接受美好动听的语言，令一个则是接受羞辱，辱骂的话语。
接受赞美的盆栽：
“我喜欢你做自己的样子”
“一见到你我就特别开心”
“你真的很美”
接受批评的盆栽：
“你就是废物，你一无是处”
“你还根本就不算绿色植物了”
“讲真，你这货还活着么？”
实验的结果震惊众人，也使大家陷入了深思.....
遭到辱骂的盆栽叶子变黄，开始走向枯萎。而接受赞美，夸奖的盆栽则绿油油的，生命力十分蓬勃。
植物尚且承受不了语言暴力，何况是人类。
美好的语言可以塑造一个人成为优秀的自己，反之，语言暴力可以摧毁一个人的人生。
语言如若失去了温度，那么它就是杀人不见血的刀子。
语言暴力之所以可怕，正是因为它攻击人的内心，会在心里留下挥散不去的阴影，这种痛觉远比身体上的疼痛更让人无法接受。
有时，击垮一个人，只需一句话。
若是从至亲口中说出，伤害则是加倍的！
多少婚姻，死于语言暴力？
《疯癫与文明》中曾说：在种种社会规条约束下，大部分人都已经舍弃身体的暴力，从而选择一种更文明的暴力——语言暴力，继续实现对他人的伤害。
婚姻中，家暴让人为之愤恨，殊不知，语言暴力也是家暴的一种。
恋爱时，彼此温柔细语，照顾彼此的感受；婚姻后，却恶语相对，彼此使用语言暴力，将对方越推越远。
邻居大哥人到中年，百般皆难，却还要遭受妻子的语言暴力。
他之前是令人艳羡的公务员，身在体制内觉得难以施展才华，于是决定下海创业。
头脑灵活，十分勤奋的他在创业潮中赚得盆满钵满。
那时邻居大哥觉得自己是全世界最幸福的人，有出色的事业，漂亮的妻子，可爱的孩子。
可是一切都在一次投资失败后变了。
温柔可爱的妻子变得面目狰狞，连孩子也顺带看不起自己。
妻子看见窝在沙发中他，不断嘲讽：咋不去死，一天天的就知道窝在家里，等着我养你啊！
在家里做任何事情都成为了妻子发泄的理由：放着好好的公务员不做，非要创业，你看看你现在，简直就是个窝囊废！没出息的男人！
陪孩子辅导作业，对着女儿说：可千万别学你爸爸，那么失败的人能教会你啥，你可得给妈妈争气啊！
尽管他一再逃避，妻子面目狰狞，口出恶语的身影依旧挥之不去。
长而久之，邻居大哥再也忍受不了语言暴力，选择离婚，整个人憔悴许多。
一段美好的婚姻就这样被杀死在语言暴力中......
爱人，既是盔甲也是软肋。
两个亲密的人最了解彼此的痛处，一旦使用语言暴力，相当于原子弹的威力，效果是致命的！
语言暴力，让爱人失去自信；语言暴力，让婚姻走向毁灭。
有多少不好好说话的夫妻，就有多少婚姻死于语言暴力。
语言暴力，是孩子一生的伤痛
心理学家武志红说：“语言暴力有可能会变成一把凶器。”
千万不要小瞧这把无形的凶器，它会逐渐杀掉你的孩子！
很多父母习惯打压自己孩子，谩骂或是嘲讽。
却不知，语言暴力攻心指数简直爆表。
“猪脑子”“废物”“就知道吃”“丢人”“你怎么不去死”
这些，都是很多父母责骂孩子的常规用语。
这些话语会对孩子产生一生的阴影，容易形成两种极端人格，一是懦弱自卑型人格，二是攻击性人格。
懦弱自卑表现在说话唯唯诺诺，不敢大声言语，没有自信，做什么事生怕自己做不好。
而攻击型人格，十分暴躁易怒，内心充满仇恨，这种情绪会转化成强烈的攻击性，杀害自己或他人，甚至有时会有反社会的心理。
对孩子所说的“猪脑子”会慢慢变成一把杀伤力极大的手枪。
对孩子说的“废物”会慢慢变成一把惊心动魄的长枪。
对孩子所说的“丢人”慢慢变成了一把锋利斧头。
对孩子说的“怎么不去死”变成了一把利刀。
你对孩子每说的一句语言暴力，都变成了一把武器。
永远不要低估你所说的话对孩子一生的影响。
当孩子长期处于父母的冷嘲热讽，无形中就会产生极其负面的心理作用，这种负能量极其强大，甚至改变对世界的认知。
你不以为意，不经意间所说的语言暴力，会成为绑架孩子一生的枷锁。
人生在世，最容易犯的错误就是把温柔细语给陌生人，却把最糟糕的脾气留给最亲的人，甚至有时毁掉他们的一生却茫然不知。
很多人，用亲情当借口，用语言为利刃，以口舌为凶器，无形之中做着“杀人”之事。
语言暴力，让你的双手沾满鲜血。
如何避免语言暴力？
一：接纳亲人的不完美
没有人是完美的，很多时候我们对陌生人很宽容，却对亲人十分苛刻。
世界上没有完全相同的两片叶子，更没有如你想象般的爱人和孩子。
接纳亲人的不完美，如同接纳不完美的自己。
二：发现亲人的闪光点，多加鼓励
每个人的身上都会有着自己的闪光点，正是因为这个闪光点所以才形成自己独特的气质。
可是我们往往忽略亲人的闪光点，却抓住他们的缺点不放。
在生活中，经常夸赞，鼓励他们，你会发现生活越来越美好。
三：不要使用过激语言
所谓“爱之深，恨之切”，我们经常对亲人飙狠话，是觉得对他们好，是激励他们。
殊不知，这样做反而会事与愿违。无论是谁，都经不住高强度的打压，这样会使一个人慢慢废掉的。
四：营造良好的家庭环境
你知道吗？语言暴力是会影响甚至会遗传的。
很多人小时候遭到父母的语言暴力，这种影响被刻在了骨子里面。
所以面对自己的孩子或是爱人，在不经意之间就会使用语言暴力。
这个时候，想想小时候的自己，当时是多么的无助，难过。
所以千万不要让语言暴力继续辐射下去，影响一代又一代。
避免语言暴力，从以上这四方面入手。
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任何亲密的情感，都经不过语言暴力的摧残。语言暴力，会摧毁一切美好。
人生是一场修行，家庭更是我们的灵魂所在，需要我们用心去经营。
家不是讲理的地方，家该是讲爱的地方；家应是温馨的港湾，而不是冰冷的炼狱。
狂风暴雨般的吼骂，只会让亲人关闭心门；春风化雨般的温柔，才会润物于无声。
温暖的话语，一举一动都是爱的家，才是我们给亲人最好的礼物！
正如《菜根谭》所言：如春风解冻,如和气消冰,才是家庭的型范。
爱，就要说温暖的话；爱，就要从拒绝语言暴力开始！
*作者：国文。来源：国学生活（ID：gxsh789)，国学智慧，美好生活，弘扬中华传统文化，替往圣继绝学，为万世开太平，千万国学爱好者的聚集地！
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